Vaping was supposed to set me free… now it has me in a chokehold
(Un)happiness is a vape called Juul
As an enthusiastic vaper (read: addicted up to my eyeballs), I have been closely following this week’s news that the UK government is set to ban certain types of vaping in early 2025. With bated (and a shortness of) breath I’ve been clicking on every article and searching Twitter to find out how Rishi’s war on nicotine will affect me personally.
But it’s not what you might think. My rabid interest wasn’t because I feared the government was going to take away my vape, my lovely, lovely vape; it was that I was hoping they would. I spent the week trying to find out if my weapon of choice (Juul 2 Polar Menthol) would fall under the proposed banning. I was devastated to learn that, while the tutti-fruity disposable vapes beloved of teens - things like Triple Mango and Sour Raspberry - will be no more, sadly menthol flavour reusable vapes like mine look like they will still be allowed. At this point only strict legislation could tear me away from my vape and I was hoping the nanny state was going to help wean me off my minty dummy for good.
I, like most millennials, got into vaping to stop smoking. I had once been a bit more of a serious smoker, but by the time I swapped Camel Blues for vapes I wasn’t really smoking all that much anyway. Just a couple with a cocktail. Or on holiday. Anyway, I’d cut down a lot. Feeling like I was less reliant on nicotine than ever, moving over to a vape seemed like a no-brainer. So I bought my first rechargeable Juul and if I ever had a craving over a Côtes du Rhône then I’d alleviate it with a quick puff.
It worked well for me for a while. And then… I started to reach for my vape when I was watching TV, or cooking, or waiting for a bus. Situations in which I would never have dreamt of smoking a cigarette. The hour at which I took my first puff of the day crept earlier and earlier. Before I knew it I was having a drag with my morning coffee.
The lovely woman who works the cigarette and vape counter in my local Tesco, to my shame, knows my order. “The usual today?” she’ll ask, before we chat about her kids because that’s how familiar we are with each other. Prior to a recent trip to Paris I cleaned her out of Polar Menthols to take with me, knowing I couldn’t get my preferred hit across the Channel. I snuck a couple of puffs in the Eurostar bathroom on my way there.
It was reported that Lana Del Rey paused her concert in Brazil last summer to frantically ask on stage if anyone could find her vape, and I totally understood her panic. When I went to see her in Hyde Park last July I made sure to pack my extra fully-charged spare Juul and vaped along from the stand. As Lana knows, a depleted or lost vape can really ruin a day out.
I’m vaping right now at my desk writing this. If all of this sounds pathetic, then just know that I completely agree with you. But vaping has me in a chokehold. And one which smoking, quite frankly, never did.
While the long-term health effects of vaping are yet to be totally understood, we know that it is far from the panacea it was once touted as. And even though it has been found to be a useful way to get some smokers off cigs, for me vaping has just caused a much bigger addiction, and therefore a much bigger problem. I’m even spending way more money on vaping than I ever did on cigarettes which is totally absurd.
I find it really sad to see all the teens around me in Hackney vape on their way to school - some of them look so small - so I welcome the news that the Lost Marys and the Elf Bars that they love will be discontinued, and while I don’t make it a habit to vape around my son, I would hate to be normalising such behaviour for him (I quit when I was pregnant and for some months after having him before I stupidly got drawn back in).
The problem is it’s just so easy (well that and the ungodly levels of nicotine Big Vape puts into the things). Unlike cigarettes you don’t need to brave the cold for a quick hit, and you won’t stink after you’ve had one - it’s less of a commitment. It’s like sipping a water bottle throughout the day. Except a water bottle won’t give you popcorn lung.
I want to give up and I hope that I do. But my addiction feels so helpless that I was genuinely praying for a change in the law to give me a chance to break free. I wish I preferred the candy flavours that are being targeted (I also can’t stand the tobacco flavour so I would be fine if that was kept on as a plain option to help people quit cigarettes) but sadly it is the menthol that has my heart. And it doesn't look like it is going anywhere. In the meantime I plan to cut down slowly (putting a stop to daytime vaping sounds like a good start) and I’ll keep an eye on the legislation in the hope that my beloved Polar Menthol somehow ends up on the banned list too. But even writing this piece has given me a bit of clarity that enough is enough. I just wish I’d known that when I swapped out one bad habit it would give rise to an even bigger one.
What I’ve been enjoying this week…
I visited Henry Holland’s studio where he gave a gang of us a tour of where he makes all of his beautiful pottery creations and taught us how to make a mug. I also fashioned a cute little ashtray (for guests!) It was so fun catching up with friends while creating our pots and I would love to do something so wholesome more often. henryhollandstudio.com
What I’ve not been enjoying this week…
I’m a big Shirley Jackson fan and absolutely adored her books The Haunting of Hill House and We Have Always Lived in the Castle (I’m a bit of a gothic fiction nerd). But I just couldn’t get into her 1951 novel Hangsaman about the disappearance of a young woman and, even though I hate not finishing books I’ve bought, I’ve already given up. P.S. If you’re not familiar with Jackson (one of Stephen King’s favourite writers) an excellent place to start is her incredible and chilling 1948 short story “The Lottery” which you can read in full here on The New Yorker. Still love you, Shirley!
You can do it Gillian. My husband was in this same predicament. Started vaping to quit smoking and soon enough the vape was everywhere, he needed to take a puff every few minutes. It was an expensive addiction. The only solution was to quit cold turkey and stop lying to himself. You're already aware that you're not doing anything better than smoking cigarettes, which is a massive part of "stop lying to yourself"!
Now, some 3 years vape free, we can only look back at that time and shake our heads. His health improved tenfold after he quit, and his lung health in particular is incomparable.
You CAN do it.
You nailed it on a couple points. That the habit is insidious for blending seamlessly into daily life. And that eventually we depend on it for performance. Lana Del Rays story is the best reason to quit IMO.
For me its Zyn pouches, which genuinely help with high stress work...for a while anyway. Eventually you're just doing it constantly!
Today marks 7 days off all nicotine! Buying lower dose versions for a couple weeks helped, but even so, days 0-2 bring anger & physical symptoms. Days 3+ depression, which is the hardest for me. Today is looking better though!