Slouching Towards... Paris with Marissa Cox
And a few thoughts on festivals in your forties
Hi folks, this week I’m pleased to bring you the next Slouching Towards…, my column interviewing women who have moved abroad, in which we will be joining Marissa Cox in Paris, who relocated from the UK in 2013. Marissa is a writer, interior designer and content creator, and I hope you enjoy getting to know her Paris, and perhaps pick up some tips on how she’s made the move work. This time I also probed her about learning the language, which I know many of you have asked for. She has some helpful advice in this regard, bien sûr.
I won’t go on about Glastonbury because, especially if you’re based in the UK, you will probably be bored out your mind with it by now, as it does tend to take over the airwaves and Instagram for over a week. But this was the first time I went to a festival in my forties (I’m 41) and with a two-year-old (that I left at home) so here are a few thoughts.
The thing with going to Glastonbury when you have a small child is that you begin the festival already completely shattered. As each day went by, I felt more and more exhausted until my tank was running so low that by Sunday morning I gave up and went home, missing Shania, SZA et al. I had arrived on Thursday afternoon; if I go again, I’d make sure I didn’t arrive until Friday so I had a chance of making it through the whole weekend.
I don’t mean to be all ‘Blanche DuBois at Glastonbury’ but I was horrified by my reflection first thing in the morning. The festival really takes its toll on the 40-plus visage, something I’d never had to think about before. And while the only way to fully restore yourself is to literally go home, I can recommend Optrex Eyedew Dazzling Eyedrops (£4.70) for brightening your peepers, which is about all you can do in the circumstances.
Eat properly! I promised myself I was going to attempt to eat well this year and I failed miserably. Sample menu: on Saturday I had a piece of bread with butter and cheese, a croissant and a slice of pizza. For shame (although might explain the visage). Fine when you’re 21, not when you’re 41. I dived into a green juice as soon as I was home.
I mean, aside from being extra tired and horrified by my worn-out reflection, I’m pleased to report that it was more or less like going when I was younger. I also made it along to Coldplay for “Fix You” and I did cry and sing along and hugged my friends and it was a great, cathartic moment during a weekend that I occasionally felt a little wobbly. Say what you want about Coldplay (and I’ve probably already said it before you tbh), it was a highlight that I’ll remember for a very long time. I just don’t know why they insist on dressing like they have their own YouTube channel for pre-schoolers.
What I’ve been enjoying this week…
Jude Bellingham’s 95th-minute bicycle kick goal against Slovakia 😍. Roll on Saturday’s showdown with Switzerland. It’s coming etc (It’s probably not).
What I’ve not been enjoying this week…
We’re getting our small bathroom ripped out and, if you’ve been a subscriber since the beginning, then you’ll know I don’t care for renovations. This is my first ever attempt at ‘doing up’ a room. Pics next week (if it isn’t a disaster).
Gillian x
Slouching Towards… Paris
Slouching Towards... is a series about women who have moved abroad and how they make it work. Marissa Cox is a writer, interior designer and content creator who relocated from London to Paris in 2013. You can find her Substack, Rue Rodier, here!
Where's home in Paris?
It’s east, just on the other side of the Peripherique (the large ring road that encircles the city) in Montreuil, 5 minutes from Saint Mandé, on line one and just 20 minutes into Le Marais. I moved here two-and-a-half years ago from the 18th, into the apartment that my boyfriend has been renting for the past seven years.
The big upside of where we live is that we have 70 sq metres (for a very decent price), two bedrooms, a lot of windows in the main space, which means a lot of light, a south-facing terrace that we can actually sit on and grow plants on, car parking in the basement. Getting a car has allowed us to explore more of France easily (and buy an apartment in Rouen that we’re currently renovating), and we are a 15 minute walk from the Bois de Vincennes, a large wood. After a decade in Paris and the Covid confinements, it’s been a welcome change of lifestyle to have easy access to the centre of Paris, as well as nature. We recently adopted our dog Indy and love taking her to the woods for long walks.
What inspired you to move to Paris?
I moved to Paris eleven years ago for an old relationship. My ex was living here for work and after a year of long distance between London and Paris, I thought ‘Why not?’ I was visiting every other weekend, and was starting to fall in love with the city and could see myself living with my ex here, plus I was also ready for a change. I studied abroad in Valencia, Spain for a year during university, which gave me a taste for living in a different country. But up until my old relationship, I’d never considered Paris - I thought it would be the US. It wasn’t until I started visiting more often that I began envisioning a life here.
What do you do for work and how has it been affected by your move?
I have a background in publishing, copywriting and journalism. The last job I had in the UK was working in the press office at Cornerstone, Penguin Random House and editing an east-London arts and culture website. I quit everything when I moved to Paris and started almost from scratch, which isn’t for the faint-hearted. It was at the very beginning of social media networks and being freelance had only just started to become something someone could do. So I taught English to professionals at the very beginning, but as my network developed I started dabbling with and taking my Instagram more seriously. I also launched a blog and started doing a bit of social media and digital marketing consulting. Then as my Instagram following grew, I started collaborating with brands.
In 2021 I wrote a book called Practising Parisienne: Lifestyle Secrets from the City of Lights (Hachette). It details my experience living in Paris and what I learnt from the Parisians, and it’s also a lifestyle guide, where I write about style, skincare, interiors, food and wine, and dating. I also had a particular interest in interiors and used to photograph apartments for my blog. A couple of years ago I was asked to work on an interior design project and have since turned this long-time love for interior design into a burgeoning career. Today I work with clients on interiors projects; I am in the process of finishing a personal renovation project - we purchased an apartment in Rouen, Normandy to rent out on Airbnb (it will be available soon, follow for updates here), I write regularly for my Substack newsletter, Rue Rodier, work on collaborations with brands for my Instagram and I also consult for brands in the realm of social media and brand building - I’m currently working two days a week for Substack to develop the French market!
Best three things about your city?
Its beautiful architecture - the Hausmannian buildings, hotel particulars and museums. The city is like one big open air museum! Plus it’s a treasure trove - especially when brocantes [flea markets] spring up in the streets.
The food and wine culture. I also love the food markets - we visit our local market every Sunday to do the weekly shop. I love the fact that we have our regular commerçants and they know who we are. It’s nice to feel part of a little community and know where our food is coming from.
The size - it’s smaller than London and more easy to travel from one neighbourhood to another. I also love how each neighbourhood has its own character and personality and can really change from one street to the next.
Has your style changed since moving to Paris?
A lot, yes, it’s more minimal and less fussy. I wore a lot of colour and patterned vintage pieces in London, but moving to Paris forced my sense of style to become more refined and dare I say chicer?!
Has your diet changed?
I used to snack a lot more when living in the UK, but since moving to Paris I rarely eat in between meals - probably because I don’t work in an office with a tempting treat table and my favourite snacks (prawn cocktail crisps and Skittles were my weakness) are really hard to track down here. My sweet tooth also leans towards sponge cakes, donuts, muffins and sugary penny sweets, rather than the more delicate French pastries so I rarely eat them. I eat more healthily and seasonally too. We go to the local market every Sunday and buy what's in season, although I do sneak in blueberries and red fruits all year round, much to the dismay of my boyfriend. I am also much more aware of the food I’m eating and where it comes from as we buy from local producers; we try to buy as much as we can from France.
How has it been meeting people? Tell me a little about your friendship group.
Thanks to the early days of Instagram, when it was more focused on community, I actually met quite a few fellow (mainly anglophone) expats through the app, and I’m still friends with many of them today. I have since made some other non-anglophone expat friends and French friends, mainly through my work and going to events. I certainly have a diverse range of friends, which I find really enriching, but I wouldn’t say I belong to one big group - mainly various little ones. And in the last couple of years my boyfriend and I have made some couples friends which is great, so we can all socialise together.
Do you speak French?
I do, but it took a while. I studied Spanish in university, so I spent the first couple of years getting very confused between the two languages. I had studied French at GCSE, but then I continued with Spanish, so it quickly took over. Ironically I used to hate my French classes in school and yet here I am! I would say it took a good five years to feel confident, comfortable and fluent in the language. I did embark on a six week course at l’Alliance Française when I first arrived, but learnt almost nothing (learning languages with text books doesn’t really work for me, and it was the same for Spanish - I need to be in the country and listening to it daily to really pick it up). I learnt through listening and repeating phrases I heard (there are still a lot of words that I know how to say, but no idea how to spell.) I now feel really confident in French and have to do meetings in the language for work, although I still have days where I feel like my tongue is too big for my mouth. It’s a hard language to learn, and the pronunciation is even harder, but I’ve improved a lot since I’ve been with my French boyfriend, as we only speak French with each other (unless I’m angry or upset, and then I make him speak English.)
What are the challenges, what do you miss?
The never-ending admin and paperwork, everything feels like a hurdle here, as no one seems to know how anything works. I also find that the French don’t have the same sense of urgency as us Brits; everything seems to take a lot longer.
I miss Waitrose, Marks & Spencer and Boots and my family and friends, which goes without saying. Thank goodness for WhatsApp. Also now that I’m fluent, I miss the language; I love going back to the UK and feeling this sense of being wrapped up in a cosy blanket as soon as I get off the Eurostar and hear everyone speaking English. I miss British humour - I don’t think I will ever fully understand French humour or find it funny, and I miss British TV and radio. Oh and I miss how we celebrate Christmas - it’s just not the same in France.
How often do you go home? Do you see yourself returning to the UK?
I go back at least 2-3 times a year. We have also started alternating Christmas - this year will be a UK Christmas!
I can’t really see myself returning, as I’ve worked so hard to be here, and in many ways I’ve built a career out of my experience here, plus I don't think my Parisian boyfriend would ever agree to it. But who knows what the future will hold!
What advice would you offer people thinking about moving abroad?
It’s the most enriching experience, so I would advise anyone thinking about it to go for it! It widens your horizons and mindset and you meet people you’d never have the opportunity to if you’d stayed put. Know that it isn’t easy, but I think with the access to social media we have today, it’s much easier to find out information and meet like-minded people. Just try to have at least a basic grasp of the language.
What three things must everyone do if they're visiting Paris?
Go to a local food market, as you will get the full French experience - there’s so much to be learnt about a place from its local food and markets, plus you can try local delicacies and just soak up the atmosphere! It’s a brilliant experience. If you want to specifically sit down and eat in one, I still love le Marché des Enfants Rouge.
Walk. Paris is a walking city and is best seen by foot, so put on a pair of comfortable shoes and go exploring. Choose a route that will take you across the Seine and then get lost! I love discovering a street that I’ve never walked down before - a great area is the 5th and 6th for this. They’re also full of classically Parisian architecture and galleries.
Go to the Sacré Coeur for a full panoramic view of Paris and eat a crêpe on its steps. If it’s summer, grab an ice cream and go and sit on a bench in Place des Vosges and take in the scenery, or better yet bring a picnic.
And a bonus one - find out where a brocante is taking place and spend a morning perusing the stalls, snapping up some treasures and then duck into a local brasserie for a drink or lunch.
I so enjoyed this!
OK, I'm sold. Brb, moving to Paris