I feel bad about my nose

How I learned to love my profile

On my wedding day

I remember the first time I ever realised there was something ‘wrong’ with my face. More specifically, with my nose. I was 11 and on holiday with my family in Cornwall. There was a mirrored wardrobe opposite another large mirror. This hall of mirrors abruptly revealed my profile to me for the very first time. I was stunned; my nose had a rather sizeable bump on it. I couldn’t believe I’d been walking around with it for all those years. I studied it later with a hand mirror in the bathroom. From that moment on it was decided: I hated my nose. 

I funnelled all my self-loathing into that nose. Through school I would hunch down and pull my hair over it. As I grew older I learned to avoid any photo of my profile, moving myself around for the shot as necessary. I knew exactly how to pose to avoid someone capturing that nose on camera. 

My nose became the sole thing I based my attractiveness on. It didn’t matter what other parts of me I thought were ok - my long legs, my hair - the nose cancelled out everything. When I lamented it with my mother, she just told me she had no idea where it had come from and that I could always get a nose job when I was older. 

I fantasised about having rhinoplasty but, for me, it was never really an option. The only thing scarier than the procedure itself was what people would say, that I would be gossiped about. Then I thought about all those times I’d done something drastic to my hair and then when faced with, say, a new fringe, I’d sob in the mirror, “What have I done?” I knew that feeling well and was reluctant to do something so dramatic to my appearance when the outcome was irreversible. An unwise fringe grows out. 

I’m not saying there needs to be a movement, but in terms of unconventional noses there definitely isn’t a lot of visibility in mainstream media and certainly not in advertising. Sometimes it seems like the last taboo in beauty. Although in 2018 journalist Radhika Sanghani launched the #sideprofileselfie challenge, asking people to share photos of themselves as a way of celebrating noses of all shapes and sizes and encouraging a bit of ‘nose positivity’.

I’m not sure how my relationship with my nose changed, it was gradual; a series of small moments that slowly chipped away my insecurities, much like I had once wanted to chip away at my nose. 

There was a former colleague, who herself had undergone rhinoplasty, who told me that I would regret it (nose jobs have the highest dissatisfaction rate of any cosmetic procedure, according to British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons). Bella Hadid is one high-profile person who has expressed remorse for her nose job.

Then there was my fabulous French stylist friend Valentine Fillol-Cordier who once shouted at me in a smoking area when I casually mentioned getting rhinoplasty. “Your nose eez fabulous!” she said. “It gives you character; what, you want to look like everybody else? ‘Ow boring!” God bless the French, a country in which the generously schnozzed Serge Gainsbourg was a bona fide heartthrob.

And finally there were the famous women, the glorious, badass women, who wore their real ‘imperfect’ noses with pride. They’re few and far between but they make for a fascinating bunch.

Anjelica Huston

On reading Anjelica Huston’s second autobiography Watch Me I was thrilled to see all the photos of her resplendent aquiline nose accompanying Jack Nicholson to glamorous parties. I found some portraits of Sofia Coppola, a woman whose work and style I so admire, and I couldn’t believe that she had a profile just like mine. I came across a quote by the legendary (and sizeably beaked) fashion editor Diana Vreeland that said, “If you have a long nose, hold it up and make it your trademark.”

Left: Sofia Coppola; Right: Barbra Streisand

Such is the rarity for women in the public eye not to have their noses ‘fixed’ that anyone who dares keep their original is usually asked about it in interviews. Barbra Streisand has spoken on numerous occasions about the pressure she received to get a nose job. “I love my bump, I wouldn’t cut my bump off,” she asserted to Playboy in 1977. And in 2017, Sofia Coppola told The Gentlewoman: “I always had a big Italian nose, but I broke my nose, and I went to a doctor to see if he could reset it. And he said, ‘You’d be a pretty girl with a nose job.’ Somehow I had enough confidence that I didn’t do it.”

Diana Vreeland

The latest figures reveal that the number of UK women having rhinoplasty was up 72% in 2022 from the previous year (although covid might be somewhat skewing those stats) but it remains the sixth most popular surgical cosmetic procedure in the world. Don’t get me wrong, if people are really dissatisfied with something, I’m all for them getting work done to make themselves feel better. But there is a certain power and freedom that comes with accepting your face. If women like Sofia Coppola and Anjelica Huston didn’t give a fuck, then neither would I. I would be part of their tribe of uncompromising women who refused to do what society told them, including downsizing their noses.

I still have the odd moment when my insecurities return, when I long for the cookie-cutter, ski jump nose. But then I think of Diana Vreeland. Hold it up and make it your trademark.

What I’ve been enjoying this week…

I was very excited to see what Chioma Nnadi would do with her first cover for British Vogue after taking over from Edward Enninful and I love this image of FKA twigs in Loewe atop a black cab in London. Incidentally, you’ll find a piece from me inside the new issue - I interview the Gen Z wine expert Hannah Crosbie about what we should be drinking (writing about wine for Vogue? A dream commission) so do pick up a copy from next Tuesday!

What I’ve not been enjoying this week…

While I’m talking about Sofia Coppola, I finally got around to watching Priscilla, which I thought was fantastic. But I felt a bit naive for not knowing the backstory of how Elvis Presley groomed and abused such a young girl. A depressing tale.