Fashion’s winter coat round-ups are a con job

My search for a coat that will actually keep me warm…

The same thing happens every year. It’s the beginning of December - give or take a couple of weeks - and the mercury begins to flirt with zero. Morning frost glimmers on the trees, the water from the tap suddenly tastes like it’s fresh out the fridge, and the skin around your nose begins to flake off (just me?). In short, it’s fucking freezing all of a sudden. Gloves, from this point, are sacrosanct. And the tailored, chic coat that you have been wearing for the last couple of months abruptly no longer serves you. I think I own about five of these types of coats and I really don’t know why. You can only wear them for about three months of the year.

And so, with a heavy heart, I go to the cupboard under the stairs and fish out a huge black faux fur coat from & Other Stories and that is my outerwear uniform for the next four months. It is the only thing that will reliably keep me warm during a London winter. It is actually so effective that I can, should I choose, wear little underneath, so dense and cosy it is. 

The problem is that I hate it. It’s so bulky and inelegant and I’ve worn nothing else for about four winters straight. Yes it’s great that something is lasting me well, but I would also like an alternative. And so, every year without fail, I try to find it: my new deep-winter coat. Something that will keep me toasty on the 8am nursery run, a Saturday meander down Broadway market, or to transport me to a Christmas party with a skimpy dress underneath, and something that, crucially, doesn't make me look like a North American black bear. 

Who wore it better?

It seems to me that you only really have two outerwear choices from December in the UK: a thick faux fur or a puffer. Puffers have enjoyed an exponential rise in popularity over the last decade, with the North Face’s Nuptse jacket perhaps being the most ubiquitous (if EmRata isn’t getting paid for her endorsement then North Face mustn’t believe their luck). ARKET's long down coat is another popular option from the high street. And if you want to take your puffer game to the next level, you could get some inspo from Rihanna’s technicolour showcase of them. From an oversized peach-coloured coat by Ella Boucht to a purple Marni puffer, she has never looked unstylish or chilly in a New York winter. 

While I have nothing against them, what if you just don’t want to wear a puffer? Or any other type of utility coat that is made for actual mountaineering. And while there are some wonderful faux fur coats around, I’m simply asking: are there really no other options out there? Almost every time I see a winter coat roundup in a fashion publication, no matter how chic the options might be (and puffer and faux fur aside), I call them out, thinking, “No, no, that’s not going to actually keep me warm. Nice try though”. The suggestions remind me of watching characters in film and TV whose flimsy outerwear blithely ignores their frigid surroundings, say, Gilmore Girls in which Lorelai and Rory march through the snow in thin peacoats. I know they’re on a set in LA but if they really were braving a blizzard in Connecticut in January they’d be one coffee run away from hypothermia. (I’ve revealed too much Gilmore Girls knowledge here, haven’t I?) 

I’m not much of an IRL shopper (besides, it’s too cold) so every year I scour the internet for a new deep-winter coat. Every time I think I’ve found my answer. I’m promised “cosy”, “thick” and “dense”, and yet when it arrives I realise that there’s no chance of it serving me. It’s an autumn coat at best. Recently I’ve been hoodwinked by wool overcoats from Raey, Mango and A.P.C. All lovely coats, all a fail on the warmometer. I returned them and it was back to the bear coat. 

For a truly warm winter coat you want a high wool count. Something luxury from, say, Saint Laurent will be 100% wool. By the time you get to a lot of the high street most of them are about 50%, if not less, with the rest being made up with things like polyester. If you’re looking for something a little more affordable, what’s the answer? 

I’ve never really gotten on with HeatTech, Uniqlo’s line of thermals. I’ve tried wearing their long sleeve tees under a jumper and one of my ‘autumn coats’ and they’re not quite up to the job. And if you’re actually planning on spending some time inside somewhere, rather than just taking a stroll, you’ll be running to the bathroom to pull them off because you’ll start sweating as soon as you enter a place with central heating.  

But! My pals and I have long discussed the lack of elegant coats at this time of year. And speaking to them for the sake of this piece, one stylish friend revealed a trick I hadn’t come across before and that is wearing not thermals under your jumper but a Uniqlo ultra light compact jacket underneath an oversized wool coat with a looser fit, of which there are plenty about at the moment. It’s basically a mini puffer hidden under a coat. You could even try a men’s coat because that’s the look right now, plus they’re often a little thicker because men always get the good stuff. Perhaps I needn’t have returned that loose fitted Raey coat after all. 

Of course, the other rather more controversial option is real fur. Now, I’m not condoning real fur here, I really could never wear it. I actually inherited a rabbit fur coat from my late grandmother and I couldn’t bring myself to put it on - even touching it made me shudder - so I donated it. Just don’t ask me what a woman who lived her entire life in Perth, Australia was doing with a rabbit fur coat. But can they look good? I’m sorry but yes, yes they can (Carrie’s in early SATC being the gold standard). We could get into the sustainability of real vs faux fur here but I would sooner signpost you towards this nuanced Substack post by Amy Odell: The Truth About Real Fur, Faux Fur, and Sustainability. 

Anyway, I decided to get off the internet, brave the cold and head to Oxford Street to try on some coats and this is what I discovered. Of the main high street brands, I genuinely could not find one simple wool overcoat that would reliably keep me warm in & Other Stories, Zara or Mango (the latter has disappointingly discontinued last year’s popular and actually warm thick, double-breasted wool coat sported by the likes of Gigi Hadid; what I came across were much thinner).

The best I found that had a shot of keeping me warm was this one from H&M, which was £120. And if you layered it with a Uniqlo compact jacket underneath, you’d have a superbly toasty set-up for £180. 

H&M’s wool blend overcoat

I’ve long been a fan of the cosy-cosy Acne Studios’ leather shearling jackets. But at upwards of £2000 it won’t be something you’ll see on me anytime soon. Of the many imitations around, however, I’d say the best one was this Whistles jacket at £199, which I found in Selfridges.

Left: Acne Studios; Right: Whistles (I honestly couldn't try on anymore coats at this point)

And just because… It ain’t cheap (£1090 in fact) but my dream deep-winter coat goes to quiet luxury champions Toteme. I popped into their beautiful brand new store on Mount Street in Mayfair and this oversized, super-thick wrap coat would work for a freezing cold day or night. Swoon. 

Toteme (I’m not quite selling it here but feel free to follow the link)

I’m still continuing my search for the perfect deep-winter coat (I’m waiting for the post-Christmas sales and I’m almost definitely going to utilise the Uniqlo compact jacket trick) so in the meantime, if you see me around east London looking like an animal extra from The Revenant, just know that, for now, it’s against my wishes. And, no, I don’t bite. 

What I’ve been enjoying this week…

I loved Passages, the seductive and sad film about messy romantic relationships in Paris, in which a gay couple (Franz Rogowski and Ben Whishaw) find their marriage in meltdown after one of the men begins an affair with a teacher (Adèle Exarchopoulos). This film, directed by Ira Sachs, was modern, funny and devastating. Catch it on Mubi.

What I’ve not been enjoying this week…

My poor son went down with a winter vomiting bug and puked all over the Heal’s velvet cognac sofa that featured in last week’s post, which I guess is yet another reason to think twice about giving your home a makeover when you have a toddler. And was the bug contagious? Oh, it sure was…